Satan's Tooth

I am OCD about a lot of things. Second only to checking that I've turned off the oven is - flossing my teeth. I floss my teeth every day at least once a day. Maybe it's because I grew up with an orthodontist uncle or maybe I just like clean teeth. Either way, I am completely crazy when it comes to brushing and flossing. How bad you ask? Every year I ask my mom to get me the Costco size Glide dental floss for Christmas...you know, the one that's a 6 pack or something...it's THAT exciting for me to get new floss.

I went to the dentist this year and was surprised to see him show me a crack developing in one of my teeth. Hello, I'm 29, not a 65 year old from Podunk with 3 teeth missing already. So he said I needed a crown. Fine. Got fitted for the crown then my tooth started to hurt so he sent me to get a root canal done. Fine. Despite what you've heard, root canals are a walk in the park, btw. I would much rather have a root canal than a cavity. Drilling during a cavity filling makes me want to have a heart attack.

So after the root canal is done, my tooth still hurts. They give me antibiotics in case I have an infection. Doesn't fix the problem. I get one more week of antibiotics. Doesn't fix the problem. I get the root canal opened up and done a second time. Yes, it was a pain in the ass but it didn't hurt (again, vote for the root canal and not the cavity). One week of antibiotics later and guess what? It still feels like this.

Last Friday I got to go to an oral surgeon to see if he could do an apicoectomy (deep root canal that involves cutting the gum and going way up in the tooth canal). I'm talking surgery with an IV and stitches and pain killers. Oh, and the root canal goes so far up toward the sinuses that I'm not allowed to blow my nose for two weeks since I guess I could blow a hole from my nose to my tooth. Oh, and if I sneeze, I must do so with my mouth open (this happened twice yesterday and I thought I was going to crap my pants I was so nervous that I might blow a hole through my nose).

It's been a week now and guess what, my tooth still hurts. The doc said my stitches haven't dissolved yet so hopefully that's the only reason for the pain - and to come back in two weeks. But seriously, I'm going nuts. I'm pretty sure I've turned into robo-bitch because I'm in constant pain. It hurts to talk on the phone and it isn't fun to talk at work or even smile (because smiling tugs on the stitches, hurray!). I actually have to take Sensodyne to work and brush my teeth every hour just to get 15 minutes of freedom. The other day it got so bad that I just shoved some up by my gums and left it there...no rinsing out. How gross is that? I'm desperate.

I'm pretty sure I might go all Carrie on some body's ass if they so much as look at me the wrong way. I mean, I'm pretty sure I have horns sprouting out of my forehead and claws growing, just ready to rip some one's eyes out. So if you see me around, don't expect me to talk to you or even smile at you for that matter.

Childhood Movies

Last night Greg and I were watching Glee...if you haven't seen it, watch it online. It's awesome. We ended up talking about how that show must seem really cool for little kids because it's like a tv series of High School Musical. But then did anyone catch the line between Emma, the guidance counselor, and Rachel, the girl trying to be bulimic???...Rachel: "I guess I just don't have a gag reflex." Emma, the counselor: "One day, when you're older, that'll turn out to be a gift."

Um, hello. It was almost like watching Shrek 3, where there's all sorts of crazy adult innuendos in there, but it totally goes over kids' heads. So we started reminiscing about movies from our childhood. Since we were born only two months apart, we pretty much grew up on the same movies, tv shows, and music.

I specifically remember being absolutely terrified watching the movie Lady in White. And I remember loving the Halloween movie The Canterville Ghost. So we rented The Canterville Ghost from Netflix, and let me tell you, it was the worst movie ever...it made me question my brain as a child. The Lady in White came on tv over the summer, that movie is still scary as shit. Then I remember watching Grease 2 with my sister. Robyn was seriously obsessed with this movie, no joke. Robyn wrote a letter to Michelle Pfeiffer whenever the movie came out and she actually got a letter back with a signed photo.

Now that's a movie I totally don't understand why my mom let us watch it. They sing a song about reproduction and the whole movie is about getting lucky. Really, we were like 6 and 9 years old when we watched that. Didn't we run around singing "where does the pollen go"??

There is one childhood movie that is just as good now as we remembered it: Monster Squad.

The movie was just as funny and the monsters were pretty entertaining. I mean, who doesn't like a character named Fat Kid and who wouldn't love seeing a little 5 year old girl tell her older brother that he's a chicken shit?

Blair Witch Auction

A few weeks ago, Greg and I went to a real estate auction for the first time. Before the auction started, we both took bets on how much it would sell for. Greg was surprisingly accurate. But we knew when the auctioneer tried to start the bids at twice what we would pay that there was no chance in hell we'd even bid.
This Saturday we went to another auction in town. The house was in a great location and had great square footage but from the outside picture, it looked old and outdated. We thought maybe we could get a great deal on it though and just fix it up.

We arrived about 30 minutes before auction time and were a little confused because there was no one else there. At the first auction, we were 25 minutes early and there were already 50 or so people there. So we strolled on down to the house to check it out. The brown rusty pipes in the garage were the first sign of an old gross house. As soon as we walked in the main level, my allergies went crazy. The place looked clean, just outdated...as in blue carpets in the bedrooms. We walked down to the basement and were forever traumatized. This house totally had a killing room. I mean, 5x5 ft room with a single bare light bulb and a door. This was not a storage closet. It was totally a Blair Witch room where they make you stand in the corner before they whack you over the head and kill you. No joke. I made Greg go stand in the corner so I could take this picture. Although it was funny and we giggled like little school girls, we were both terrified that someone was going to show up behind us, shove us in the room, and chop us into little pieces.

So instead of taking bets on how much this place would sell for, we took a bet on how many people have been killed in this house. Too bad we'll never know. And we weren't dumb enough to stick around for the auction - we were outta there faster than fat kids in dodge ball.

Steak Bone-r Anniversary

My husband and I just celebrated our 3rd wedding anniversary by going to my favorite restaurant in downtown Franklin, TN. It's a cool place with fun eats like beef tenderloins with blue cheese risotto and asparagus. Yum! We sat on the upstairs patio and got a really awesome waiter, so we were totally excited about this anniversary dinner.

I ordered the usual and Greg ordered what I can only describe to be the Old 96er. Only this seemed to be a very horny 96er because it totally had a boner. I couldn't help behaving like a 12 year old with a giggle fit when our waiter slapped that down on the table. Although, to my defense I had just had a very potent martini. I mean, just look at this thing.

Really, couldn't they have cut that off before they cooked it? One order of circumcised steak please! I was immature enough to pull out the iPhone and take a picture - in front of people. And that wasn't enough, I had to actually get a close up shot. And then, I had to do a Perez Hilton and draw on it. Apparently I have no manners. Sorry mom.