Sometimes it's Better to Be Wrong

I'll be the first to admit that I'm a hypochondriac/paranoid person. But I'd like to point out that I'm also correct more than half the time. For example, when I was in college, I was a rower, and one November I noticed that my back was hurting really bad. It hurt for weeks, to the point where everyone was sick of hearing me complain, my coaches wouldn't let me row during that time, and finally they sent me to have it checked out. Oh yeah, it was fractured. So thanks everyone for telling me I was just being paranoid. You can really just kiss my butt.

You need another example? How about the time when my foot started hurting really bad for no reason? Again, I complained and no one believed me. Yeah, it was fractured. Need a non-medical example? How about at my wedding when I was getting ready to run out to the car with my new hubby. Without reason, I asked him if he had his wallet for the honeymoon. Random, I know, since he's never forgotten it before in his life. Yeah, he'd left it at the hotel where his parents were staying.

So, to bring a point to all this rambling, in my previous blog posting, I speculated that there was a convict near my house and that's why a helicopter was circling my neighborhood. I was totally joking but then decided to check some news websites. Thanks Fox news....

ALEXANDRIA, Va. -- Police are investigating after three attempted assaults on women in Alexandria over the weekend.
The first attack happened just after midnight Saturday. Police said a woman was walking in the area of Beauregard and King Street when a man grabbed her. The victim screamed and fought her attacker and the man fled the scene, police said.
The second attack happened just after 1 p.m. Saturday at a McDonalds at the intersection of Glebe Road and Mount Vernon Avenue.

Police said a man tried to push his way into a bathroom that a woman was using inside the McDonalds. He is described as a white Hispanic man. He was wearing a black jacket and black pants.
The third attack happened at about 6:30 p.m. Sunday near Armistead Boothe Park and the 500 block of Cameron Station Boulevard in Alexandria.
Police said a woman was attacked by a man who attempted to sexually assault her. The victim told police she managed to fight her attacker off.
Police are still investigating all three incidents. Authorities said they do not believe that any of the incidents are related.

Um, YEAH. I live a hop-skip-and-a-jump from Cameron Station. I'm going to go buy some mace.

Convict

I'm still in quarantine tonight, currently watching the movie Annie on TV. Nothing is on and I don't want to watch Ryan Seacrest being an idiot at the Oscars. Plus, Oscar speeches make me feel uncomfortable. I don't like people who get kicked off stage because they're talking for too long, it makes me embarrassed for them.

So I'm watching the part in Annie when Punjab saves her from dangling off that bridge...you know, he ties his turban to the helicopter and saves her. Well, I'm sitting here thinking, wow, this tiny 17 inch TV has some mad surround sound. That is, until I see a helicopter spotlight through my window. No big deal, I keep watching the boob tube. Except I keep hearing this helicopter A LOT and see the search light again. After 5 minutes I start counting the times it's circling over head. In the past 15 minutes it has come around 19 times. Uh, is there a convict in my neighborhood? I mean, this is DC. It's times like this when I realize it would be great to have mace and a taser gun. Have you ever wondered just how bad it would hurt to get tasered? I do. We watched an episode of Mythbusters where the red head chick tased one of the guys. It was awesome.

Well, they must have lost the convict because they're getting farther away, but have circled 12 times since my last count. Oh, and there goes Ryan Seacrest being a retard... He just asked Jessica Alba if she's going to breastfeed. Get a grip dude. I'll check the news tomorrow to see what nut job just escaped from a mental hospital (we've had two of those already this year).

I'm Firing My Doctor

It's Friday night and I'm laying in the guest bedroom, quarantined from my husband. Let me tell you, there is nothing on TV on Friday nights and with a temperamental laptop that only recognizes the wireless network about 60% of the time, I'm going pretty crazy. Lucky me, I have the flu. I felt a sinus infection starting on Wednesday afternoon so I peaced out from work early. Thursday I stayed in bed all day and prayed that the "winter weather storm of 08" would have work cancelled on Friday. Um yeah, I'm pretty sure the weather forecasters in DC have their thumbs up their butts 99% of the time. (I'm all about percentages tonight...must be the meds).

So this morning I debated going to the doctor. Usually I wait until I feel like I'm dying before I go to the doctor. Why? Let me break it down. 2006 - I get a sinus infection that leads to a build up in my chest. Lovely. I go to the doctor and complain, telling him I also have a fever. His response? Take some Tylenol Arthritis and don't shower. SERIOUSLY. I kid you not. 2007 - same exact symptoms but I really can't breathe. His response? Take Tylenol Arthritis and don't shower. At this point I'm pretty pissed because I'm sure I'm going to get bronchitis. I don't but I totally load up on Afrin and cough drops to the point that I'm pretty sure I have a coke nose and kidney failure (not really). My husband gets sick a few months later with similar symptoms and guess what the doctor says to do? Take Tylenol Arthritis and don't shower. I mean really, dude, did you even go to med school?

And so we arrive at 2008 - I really debated going to the doctor today because I knew what he was going to tell me. Luckily, I was scheduled with a different doctor at the same practice. Wonderful, I'm thinking, a new doctor who will give me some real medicine and I'll feel better by the end of the weekend. I see the new doctor and tell him my symptoms: sinus headache, sore throat, ear ache, night sweats, fever, and a sore neck and upper back. He checks my throat and then says "you have the flu". Um ok, what about trying that really annoying flu test? You know the one...where they jam that mile long q-tip all the way up your nose. Talk about gag reflex. As a child I once slapped a doctor for q-tipping my throat when testing for strep throat. It was awesome. So apparently I have the flu without being tested for it and again I'm OD'ing on Afrin and Sudafed. I'm convinced this medical practice just cranks out the appointments to get their money as fast as they can. Well you know what I have to say about that? You can shove that Tylenol Arthritis up your butt because I'm going to go take a shower.

Why haven't my husband and I found a new doctor? Well for one, there are usually waiting lists to see doctors in our area and I'm pretty sure that my illness will have cleared up in the four weeks it takes to get an appointment. And two, we're both hoping to move within the next few months and I'm pretty sure they have good doctors at Vanderbilt. So just in case anyone out there ever gets sick, no matter what you have, all you need to do is take some Tylenol Arthritis and don't shower. Good luck feeling better with that advice!

The Assignments

I know you're dying to know the song/band assignments stored up in my little brain. Here's the quick list of who you are and who you're assigned to. If you don't like it, you'll have to do something crazy while playing a song in the background so it'll stick in my memory (which is very full of cobwebs these days). Good luck.

• Mom - As Good as it Gets and You've Got Mail soundtracks
• Dad - The Platters
• Marc - Johnny Cash
• Jill - Dixie Chicks
• Robyn - Dancing Queen
• Greg - This I'll keep secret. But a close second? There was a very rare moment involving someone dancing to Sex Bomb at Sigma Nu and somebody peeling his shirt off.
• Carol - Sweet Caroline
• Jenny - Christmas music in general (since that's the only music you'll listen to)
• Adam - Paint it Black (guitar hero anyone??)
• Ridgely and David - The South Park song you love to sing to me...Shut your * face uncle *
• Kristin - One More Time. Ah, the fishbowl margarita glass.
• Laura - DMB Spoon. Not sure why, we played name that tune so much I can't really identify just one.
• Angela - Fionna Apple
• Hank and Evan - Caribbean Queen and Electric Avenue
• Kelsey - Barbie Girl (you are the only person who liked this song) :)
• The Scotland gang - I made you a cd, you should know the answer...except the accidental Samantha Mumba song. Don't know where that came from. Maybe from the Seven Sisters under that guy's wig or fake Derek Jeter and his orange juice.
• My unborn children - Talk Talk - This is the Day
• Me - there are too many to name. Songs? Tonight I'm feeling like Frou Frou - Let Go, Jem - Just a Ride, Fleetwood Mac - Landslide. Bands? Always David Bowie, Billy Idol, U2, and about a thousand others.

I'm always interested in new bands and songs so hit me up with your suggestions. I totally hate country but if you can give me an awesome country song, I'm willing to change "hate" to "tolerate".

Crazy Retarded

So I thought anyone reading this might want to know some of my quirks. Some people may think I’m crazy or retarded but I’m pretty certain I’m both:

• I hate the feel of white Styrofoam. More than that, I hate hate hate the sound of something rubbing Styrofoam. (This of course makes for awesome birthdays and Christmas).
• I also hate the sound of straws rubbing against the plastic lid of a Starbucks frozen beverage…that terrible squeal noise sets me off!
• I am a self diagnosed OCD patient. I do things in 3’s. I check for a locked door 3 times a night, I check to make sure the stove isn’t on at least 3 times a day, I say things three times in a row (for emphasis), and I often clap 3 times in a row when I’m excited about something.
• I love music. I seriously think I could win Name That Tune. I have favorite “parts” to almost every tune and I assign songs or bands to almost everyone I know.
• I chew about 10 pieces of gum a day. Some people smoke a pack a day; I chew a pack a day.
• I have several specifically dedicated “dances”. There’s the kitchen dance (clap your hands and stomp your feet like you’re flatfooted) and the Nashville dance (twirl in a circle while you stomp your feet and pump your arms – kinda like milking a cow) - just to name two.
• I hop into bed every night. I don’t sit or lay down or anything, I literally hop.
• I can cross my toes in both directions. Well, not my right foot anymore since I broke my toes, but still the left one.
• I word vomit - A lot. I’ve been told I have a sharp tongue, which I didn’t understand until someone explained to me that I say what’s on my mind and don’t think about how I’m saying it.
  Now that I’ve painted such a pretty picture, I’ll put up a literal picture for you to remember me by…
  

Newb

Hi blog world. This is the first time I’ve ever written a blog and it seems kinda weird. All through law school my husband and his friends used to talk about their blogs and about something called postings (?). To me, it always sounded like a guy’s version of something I like to call a “diary”. I couldn’t grasp why these guys wanted to read each other’s diaries and so I politely ignored my husband’s dork factor. Now that it’s 3 years later I feel like I’m the 50 year old CEO who doesn’t know how to use Excel (you should all be ashamed!!). Where did this huge blog-world explosion come from and how have I been in denial for so long? MySpace…Facebook…I only wised up to them in the past few months. Where have I been? Now that I feel sufficiently technologically-retarded, I’ve decided school myself and try this whole blog thing. It’s one step closer to being in the loop, but don’t get me started on Leetspeak and the fact that it takes me 5 minutes to decode text messages. Hopefully six months from now this newb won’t be a n00b.